How to Dye Pasta for Kids Crafts with Kool-Aide!

When you have a toddler/preschooler, you are always trying to find fun activities for them to do to keep their little hands busy! So I thought I'd try a new project with my daughter: Dyed pasta bead necklaces! So I set out to dye the pasta to make her "beads" after she went to bed, so that the next day we could make her necklaces. And here's how I did it.

For this project, you will need:

- Large bottle of hand sanitizer with pump

- Kool Aide envelopes, whatever colors you want to make

- Ziplock bags (I used quart sized, but sandwich sized or gallon sized would work, too, as long as it has a zipper seal)

- Pasta (I used whole grain penne because it was what I had in the cupboard, but you can use any kind that has a hole in it to thread yarn through. White pasta will give you more vibrant colors, while whole grain will be a bit more muted, but they still become vibrant and pretty)

- Paper Towels

- Tray

To begin, get your tray ready to lay your bags on, because you will need it as soon as you are finished filling your first bag.

Open a ziplock bag and pump quite a few pumps of hand sanitizer in the bag (I used between 10 and 20 pumps a bag), if you don't have a pump, just put a nice big squirt in there.

Next, I opened a Kool Aide packet and emptied the contents in with the hand sanitizer. Once all the powder is in the bag with the sanitizer, seal the bag and give it a good shake until all the color is well mixed in there with the sanitizer and no powder is visible.

Now put a couple handfuls of pasta in the bag with the sanitizer/kool aide mixture, seal, and give a really good shake! Lay the bag flat on the tray and try to get the pasta in a single layer. Do this for every different color you wish to do, using a separate bag for each color.

Let sit in bags for about an hour, turning every so often so the color gets nice and even on them.

Next, drain out the sanitizer/kool aide, rinse pasta in water, then pour the pasta out on a paper-towel-lined tray and let dry overnight.

In the morning, you should have beautiful pasta "beads" ready to make necklaces with. And... Voila! A beautiful array of colors to craft with! Happy crafting!

Potty Triumphs!

So we have been attempting potty training off and on for a few months, usually with a lot of sitting on the potty in front of cartoons for a long time and peeing in her panties as soon as she gets up... Yeah fun stuff, lol.

Well, she turned 3 last week, and the week before her birthday I decided to hit it hard. We really started staying extremely consistent every day, rewarding every success with a sticker. She was doing well, but we had a couple of days where we had to take a break since it would have been rough trying to potty train (going to the fair, and birthday, of course). We picked up where we left off, though, and we are FINALLY getting success!!!

I am proud to say that our sweet little girl has been dry for three days! THREE DAYS PEOPLE!!! This is HUGE! She's finally figured out how to make herself go on demand (pee anyway) and will go within a couple of minutes of sitting on the potty. This makes it easy for me to just make sure she goes every 2-3 hours--and she does!

We are still working on night time (I still don't trust her overnight since she's just now getting it, so she still wears a diaper at night. But she has been dry in the mornings, so we're getting there too!). She's also been dry at nap time! I can't tell you how excited this makes me (and her! She is SO proud of herself!).

We printed out a potty chart off the internet last week and this is how full it is! She LOVES putting the stickers on it :)

So for you moms out there still in the potty training ring, it does get better and consistency is the key! Also, make sure they are ready. If they aren't ready, it's hard to get them to understand that you want them to pee when you put them on the potty. If they don't get it right away, don't get discouraged. They will get it eventually. Sometimes you might just need to take a break for a few weeks and then try again, or sometimes you may just have to keep at it with a consistent schedule. Either way, it will happen when they are ready for it to happen! 

Dos and Don'ts for Online Dating

A Match Made Online -- An Online Dating Love Story:

7 years ago I joined eHarmony with the hopes of meeting that special someone. I spent a couple of hours on my profile, filled out every detail, and payed for 3 months of communication, and waited for matches. Several popped up right away, so I initiated conversation with some of them. Some never responded while others I talked to for a couple of  weeks. None of them really "clicked" though. Finally, a month and a half into the process I sent a communication request to a guy who was from my own state who looked like somebody I was interested in. A couple of weeks passed and no response. I decided to clean out my matches and closed off the ones that didn't look compatible or the ones that never responded, but something told me to keep that guy's match open.

 And then it happened! I got a response from him and we began the communication process.

The process went quickly from there. Every day we chatted back and forth, getting to know all about each other; our likes and dislikes, things we do for fun, places we like to go or have been, etc. Things just "clicked" with him. I eagerly checked my messages every day to find messages from him and quickly responded. It felt like talking to a long-time friend.

A couple of weeks in, we exchanged phone numbers. That first phone call lasted 3 hours. We began talking on the phone daily, spending hours on the phone every night, enjoying each other's company via phone. Just to add a funny twist, he thought he had free nights and weekends on his cell phone plan, so he called me every night. He apparently didn't though! He ended up racking up a $1,000 phone bill for that first month! LOL! Thankfully the phone company had mercy on him and let him just pay $200.

Anyway, so a month in we finally decided to meet in person. We met in the parking lot of my church (where he'd also visited in the past). We were both so nervous meeting in person for the first time, but we quickly picked up where we left off with our phone conversations. Our romance grew from there and we began a 10 month long distance relationship with lots of phone calls, lots of driving back and forth, and a very romantic proposal. We were married the next June and have been married for 6 years now and neither of us would change it for the world.

Online Dating Dos and Don'ts 

So, having been through it myself, I have compiled a list of Dos and Don'ts when dating online. And here they are!

Do:

Choose a reputable site
Don't just jump into any old site. You could run into a scam and never get anything out of it. Some sites could be shady and are just out to get your hard-earned-cash and others your credit card information. Make sure the website is reputable before signing up and especially before putting money into it.

Put your whole into it if you expect to get anything out of it. 
You get out of it what you put into it. If you don't put any thought into filling out your profile answering questions, you probably won't get a second glance from most of the matches you get. Anything worth doing is worth doing right! Fill out essay questions thoughtfully and thoroughly--and don't forget to be honest! Which brings me to the next point.

Be Honest
Make sure to BE HONEST when filling out your profile and talking to matches online. If you really want somebody who is compatible with you, you really don't want to lead them to believe you are somebody that you are not. I mean, come on, they are going to find out sooner or later that you lied, and then what kind of relationship will you be left with? The last thing you want to do is start off a relationship with a bunch of lies. Take my advice and just tell the truth from the get-go. You'll be glad you did.

Only go as fast as you feel comfortable
Don't jump right into meeting in person if you don't feel comfortable doing so yet or you don't really feel like you know the person yet. It pays to take your time getting to know each other. The more you know about each other before you meet, the less likely it'll bomb out. Exchange phone numbers and talk on the phone for awhile before taking the plunge to meet in person. Putting time and nurturing a relationship from the start pays in the long run and could eventually lead to the lifelong of love together. Think about it. If it works out, you'll have your whole lives together to spend in person. It is worth taking your time to get to know each other and enjoy the process.

Meet in a public place
This may be obvious, but it's worth putting on here and repeating again and again if necessary. Safety is important! When you finally do decide to take that plunge, make sure you meet in a public place, or even take someone with you if you wish. This will put you in a lot less danger if your "match" turns out to be a psycho. If other people are around and close by, they will be able to run to your aide if need be; or a scary situation could be avoided altogether since criminals generally avoid public places to break the law.



Don't:

Give out personal information
Give out your address or any other personal information  until you have met in person and are SURE that they are who they say they are and not, for lack of a better word, a psycho. Again, safety is important! It is easy for people to "hide" behind a computer screen and pretend to be something they are not. Take proactive measures.

Compromise on issues that are important to you
Don't compromise on important issues. It is hard to keep a relationship going when two people strongly disagree on things that are very important to them, especially religion and politics. If you really want the person to be compatible, it is better to just pass on a particular match if they do not agree on things that are very important to you. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Odds are,  you'll find one that DOES agree eventually.

Get desperate
Don't just jump on the first match you see. Yes, it is exciting when matches pop up on your profile, but take your time to get to know them. If something doesn't feel right or you just feel like you don't "click", close the match and move on. I talked to several others before I met my husband, and believe me, you'll know when it is the right one. You'll just "click".

Be afraid to expand your horizons
Sometimes if you limit to your local area only, you are going to have a very limited list of matches and may not meet  "the one". I learned this quickly in my experience with online dating. And, now, looking back, had I not expanded my horizons beyond my comfort zone, I never would have met my "Mr. Right" who, even now, we are still amazed at how compatible we are and how alike we think! He lived 5 hours from where I lived, so it was definitely beyond my comfort zone, and it meant a long distance relationship would ensue and that one of us would have to move eventually. You know what, though? For the right person it is all worth it times 10000!! So don't be afraid to expand your horizons with your dating radius! You might just meet that perfect someone you were meant to be with!

And there you have it! My list of Dos and Don'ts for online dating!

Hayley's Preemie Story: Part 4 - Life in the NICU

 Life in the NICU is like a roller coaster. So many ups and downs. Some days things will be smooth sailing, just waiting for her to grow enough to go home, celebrating victories and milestones met, other days are full of setbacks, scary moments, lots of changes, or just no progress. We were told from the beginning to not expect her to go home until around her due date, so to prepare for a long NICU stay (she was due January 4th, but born October 9, so we had an almost 3 month stay ahead). They told us there were several milestones she had to meet before they would release her: the biggest ones were that she had to be in an open crib and be able to keep her body temperature up, she had to be able to get all of her nutrients via bottle (as opposed to feeding tube), she had to be able to lay in a flat bed with the head down, and she had to go 24 hours without a bradycardia episode (or just "episode" as they called in in the NICU; basically a heart rate drop where they literally "forget" to breathe). We were a long ways from any of that, so it was going to be awhile.

She was in an incubator that would sense her temperature and adjust based on her temperature. She was on a feeding tube so they could give her my milk, she was on caffeine to help to "remind" her to breathe, she was given fat to help her grow and gain weight, and she was on an IV that was basically a "multivitamin". When she was 7 days old they did a cranial ultrasound to check for a brain bleed (protocol for preemies since they are at high risk for a brain bleed). Praise God, no brain bleeds for her. By this point she was on a low flow cannula, which means she was getting the least help possible to help her breathe, just a couple of steps from being independent from breathing help.

Her daddy got to hold her for the first time when she was 6 days old. He did skin to skin with her. She was soooo tiny that her little hands would grab handfuls of his chest hair and pull it haha. It was a special moment for him and it was so precious seeing that tiny little baby enveloped in his large, strong, protective hands. It is definitely enough to melt a momma's heart. There's nothing like seeing the love of your life holding your baby, his daughter, for the very first time.

At one week old we had her very first professional photos taken by Capturing Hopes, a photography organization that takes photos of kids and babies in the hospital for free for their families. It is a wonderful organization and we were so blessed by their photos they took of our daughter. 

When she was close to two weeks old, Hayley finally surpassed her birth weight. On October 27, Hayley had her very first setback. It was a very scary morning that started with the hospital calling me at home (you know something bad is happening when the hospital calls you) to inform me that they had to make a lot of changes so that I wouldn't be alarmed to find all of that when I got there. She started having a lot more bradycardia episodes, had to be stimulated a lot (usually they tried to let them bring their heart rate up themselves, and if they didn't they would barely touch their back or something to stimulate them and their heart rate would come back up), they had to put her on a CPAP machine instead of a nasal cannula, she had to have an IV put in (they had just pulled out her central line a couple of days before), she needed an antibiotic and a blood transfusion (it is common for preemies to need blood transfusions because they can't regenerate their own red blood cells yet, and they need a lot of blood tests in the NICU, so they can get anemic). It was very scary watching her heart rate drop like a sled on the monitor and watching her turn almost gray while they had to actually pick her up to get her heart rate back up. Thankfully the blood transfusion did a world of good for her and she started doing much better after several hours. She had to stay on the CPAP for about a week after that before she could breathe well enough to go back on the nasal cannula, but this time she was on the high flow, which took a long time to get her off of it.

Our very first family portrait, taken by Capturing Hopes

At one month old Hayley graduated from NICU 1 (the more critical end of the NICU) to NICU 2. She also was put in clothes for the very first time (they have to be able to hold their body temperature up a little to wear clothes). She looked so cute and teeny in the little preemie outfit they put her on, and it was huge on her! They told us that she tried to crawl out of them 3 times the night they put them on her and she was dubbed a "wild child" lol. At this point she was on the verge of 2lb. I actually had a meltdown that night because she had been hovering close to 2lb for 3 days and hadn't gained anything yet (like I said, the NICU is full of ups and downs). Thankfully she hit 2lb and 2 oz the next night! 

Meanwhile, Hayley had to start getting regular check-ups on her eyes. I can't remember but I think it was 2 weeks to a month when they started doing that. She was diagnosed pretty early on with Stage 1 ROP (the most mild stage of Retinopathy of Prematurity, an eye condition that preemies can get that can cause leaky vessels to develop in their eyes which can cause scarring and detached retina in extreme cases. They regularly check their eyes in an attempt to treat any they see early on to save their vision). Because Hayley had stage 1, she had to be rechecked every two weeks until 3 months after going home when the eye doctor finally cleared her of it. 

She tried a bottle for the very first time on November 14, at just over a month old. It didn't last long but it was a start. It takes awhile for a micro preemie (a baby born less than 700-800 grams, Hayley was around 620 grams) to learn to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time. 

By November 22, she had been drinking from a bottle well for 3 days (eating over half of her feeding via bottle once a day) and had reached 2lb 9oz! We were getting there! There was still a long ways to go but we were getting there!                                                                                                                                         Thanksgiving came and went in the NICU. She was moved into an open crib, which was one big milestone down. We were dealing with a lot of setbacks with her bottle feeding, though, since she had reflux really bad (common in preemies, generally they outgrow it as they get bigger). She had to be on continuous feeds for awhile to help it, and we were finally able to get her put on prevacid and added cereal to her milk to help the reflux. Her progression with bottle feeding improved after that. 

A week or so into December Hayley had her repeat ultrasound which showed great results. She also had an echo cardiogram which showed a normal heart. She had her 2 month vaccines administered at 2 months old, which caused a slight setback, but it was a short-lived one.  She was slowly working her way along with growing at this point and she reached 4 lbs on December 15. By now we were hoping she could come home by Christmas, but she didn't meet her milestones in time. 

On Christmas Day, she surprised us by taking her cannula off of herself and she no longer needed it! It was so wonderful to finally see her face without stickers all over it! It was a Christmas spent in the NICU, but time cuddling my baby girl was more Christmas present than anything else I could have gotten. The next day she pulled out her feeding tube, and they decided to try her without it (meaning she takes all of her nutrients via bottle, she had to drink a certain amount to stay off of the feeding tube) and she did great! So in two days' time, she reached two major milestones! No more cannula and no more feeding tube!

She met the last one a day before New Year's Eve, so she was finally able to discharged on New Year's Eve, 5 days before her due date! Before she could come home they had to do a car seat test with her where she had to sit in the car seat for an hour with the monitors on. She had to not have any bradycardia episodes while in the car seat or she would have had to come home in a flat car seat bed. She passed it with flying colors! And they did a hearing test the day she was discharged which she also passed with flying colors!

While we were waiting for them to discharge us (an 84 day stay requires a lot of prep and paperwork, meds from the pharmacy, and a lot of instructions, AND we were waiting on her last eye exam before we left), the nurse asked us how we'd like a wireless baby and took all of her leads off. The silence was so scary after 3 months of relying on the monitor to see how she was doing, but it was nice at the same time to have a baby with no wires at all. Leaving the NICU was the most amazing feeling after practically living there for three months! 

Finally we were discharged and put her in her car seat for the first time. It felt so amazing bringing her home. We spent New Year's Eve snuggling under blankets in warm sleepers at home <3 It was the most amazing New Year's Eve and was the best way ever to ring in the New Year! 

Looking back, our daughter still amazes me! Everything she went through so early in her life just shows what a little miracle and strong little fighter she is! We love her so much and couldn't imagine life without her! I know that not every story of micro preemies born so early end this well, we are very blessed and very thankful for our happy, healthy little three year old. 

Our Beautiful 3 Year Old

Hayley's Preemie Story: Part 3 - A Preemie and Preeclampsia

On Wednesday October 9, 2013, at 27 weeks 4 days pregnant I was transferred to a bigger hospital with a NICU because I was diagnosed with severe preeclampsia and we were about to have a preemie. My husband beat us to the hospital and was there waiting when we arrived in the ambulance. I was wheeled into a big labor and delivery room where doctors and nurses immediately surrounded me, putting things in my IV, checking my vitals, and coming in and out. They had my daughter on the fetal monitor and listened closely to her because her heart rate had begun dropping regularly. They were concerned that she was in distress. They attempted to have me lay on my left side with an oxygen mask on to see if it would help her because they hoped to keep her in a couple more days so that I could get all of my steroid injections in to help her lungs develop better.

Meanwhile, they did an ultrasound of her to see how she was doing on there. The ultrasound revealed that she was measuring 4 weeks (23 weeks) behind where she should have been (IUGR, intrauterine growth restriction) and that the placenta was not supplying her with nutrients consistently -- there were consistent lapses in blood flow to the umbilical cord. They did say, though, that she was practicing breathing. Knowing she'd be a preemie, that was good news that her lungs were functioning.

Her first photo, taken moments after birth.
The plastic bag was to keep her body temperature up

After a couple of hours they decided to take her out because her heartrate drops were not improving. They wheeled me into the operating room and did a spinal. The whole time they were cutting me open I was praying for her, not only that she would survive, but THRIVE (because there is a big difference between surviving and thriving, as a brain dead vegetable survives. My mom later told me that our Pastor's wife was talking to her, encouraging her and used that SAME word over our daughter. God's confirmation is always amazing!). She was born at 9:02 PM weighing just 1lb 5.9 oz and 11.4 inches long and thus began the longest 10 minutes or so of my life. There was no cry, just silence. It was a scary silence, but I felt a peace deep in my heart that she would be OK and that God had this! Finally  we heard them say "Dad, do you want to see her?" A flood of relief flowed through me. My husband cut the umbilical cord and, after a few minutes, they brought her over to me all wrapped up with a little yellow hat on her head. They lifted her down to me so that I could see all the hair on her head and give her a little kiss. Then she was wheeled off to the NICU.

I was put on 24 hours of magnesium treatment which meant I had to stay put and couldn't go see our daughter. They had trouble controlling my blood pressure, so I stayed in the hospital until that Saturday (our daughter was born on Wednesday) when they finally released me. While I was there I visited our daughter as frequently as I could. She was doing very well for being born so early and being so tiny. She only had to be on the ventilator for a few hours before they took her off of it, and she was only on a nasal cannula to help her breathe, which is amazing for being so tiny and so early! She seemed to be sailing along in the NICU. 

When she was 2 days old I got to hold her for the very first time. She was around 1lb 4oz at this point (she lost weight like all babies do immediately after birth) and had all sorts of tubes and wires on her, including a central line so that she didn't have to be poked and prodded so much. I did skin to skin with her with several blankets on top of her to keep her body temperature up. It was an amazing moment getting to hold our daughter for the very first time. She was so tiny and looked like a little pixie (she didn't look as much like a baby because she didn't have any fat on her yet and was covered in lanugo--a fine hair babies have on them in the womb until they get enough body fat to keep their temperature up). Our skin to skin session only lasted about 20 minutes because her body temperature started dropping too low, but it was 20 minutes of heaven. 

I was released on Saturday afternoon and that night I got a really bad headache as I was laying in bed sleeping. I woke my husband and told him we needed to go to the hospital, I just knew my blood pressure was up. When we got to the ER they did a blood pressure check. The result: 210/130! My blood pressure was dangerously high and I was in danger of having a seizure or stroke! I was admitted immediately and they put me on another 24 hours of magnesium treatment (if you've never been through a magnesium treatment, it feels like you have a high fever. You are hot and can't focus on anything, even the TV. And you feel all swelled and can't get up out of bed). On Sunday afternoon I was released again, this time on blood pressure medicine and instruction to follow up with my OB on my blood pressure over the next couple of weeks. 

Hayley's Preemie Story: Part 2 - The Rainbow Brings More Storms

On April 27, 2013 I took a pregnancy test. I was amazed, excited, and elated to find that it came up positive! I was pregnant again! We were, of course, cautious this time, but we had achieved pregnancy and, for now, we were expecting a baby. Moments after telling my husband, we sat on the edge of the bed together and prayed over this baby, that we would be able to bring this one home. We knew that God was in control and could allow this one to make it. This time I was put on progesterone to help the baby to hopefully stick better.

At 5 weeks we had just told our family about our baby but hadn't told anyone else except one close friend. That Sunday, on Mother's Day, our Pastor's wife surprised us with a present! It was a tiny winter baby girl outfit! She told us she felt like God wanted her to buy it for someone, and she wasn't sure who. When she got home, the friend that we had told (our Pastor's Daughter-in-Law) said she knew who it was for -- us! It was perfect because it was a newborn outfit and our baby was due January 4, right in the middle of winter, which meant she'd need a warm winter outfit. We took that as confirmation from God that our baby would be OK. And, perhaps, that we'd be having a girl!

Everything went smoothly in the pregnancy with all the normal symptoms and morning sickness until 7 weeks when I had some spotting. We were terrified after our last experience, so we went to the ER for an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a beautiful, healthy little bean in a HUGE sack (so much different than our last experience) with a heartbeat in the 140's! We sighed in relief and were told that it was probably the progesterone that irritated things.

At 18 weeks we had the anatomy ultrasound which confirmed that it was, indeed, a girl! Our daughter, Hayley Judith, was so beautiful on the ultrasound, sucking her little thumb and wiggling around. We were so in love with her already and couldn't wait to meet her!

At 27 weeks, however, our lives were turned upside down when I started swelling up really badly. My eyes were puffy, my hands were swelled, my feet had been really badly swollen for over 24 hours with no sign of going down, and I just didn't feel right. I went into my OB's office for a BP check, which showed that my blood pressure was high at 160/90. I was admitted to the hospital for a 24 hour urine test. The results of the 24 hour test came in the next day and revealed my proteins were at 450, which was not overly high considering normal is 300. I had preeclampsia but was not in immediate danger. The plan was to put me on bed rest once they got my blood pressure under control with medicine.

The next day the doctor walked into my room with a grim look on his face. He asked where my husband was (he had gone to work because things looked stable) and told us he might want to be here. That sentence told me something was seriously wrong. He then proceeded to tell us that the results didn't add up to him and he had the lab recheck the number. It turns out that they had misplaced a decimal point. My protein wasn't 450 like they thought but was 4,500! He told us 5,000 was a level that showed kidney failure, so I was nearing that number! This, of course, was a game changer! They gave me a steroid shot right away and transferred me to the nearest hospital with a NICU, because, at this point, we were definitely going to have a preemie.

Hayley's Preemie Story: Part 1 - The Darkness Before Our Rainbow

So, as promised, here is the story of our daughter's preemie journey. Her story doesn't just start with her birth; it starts with our journey to get her, which involved infertility and loss.

We started trying for her in April of 2011. We tried not to stress it early on, figuring it would happen before long, but when we were nearing on a year with nothing we were getting discouraged. Then, it happened. A positive test in April of 2012. We were excited, but the joy was short lived when my period started as normal and the test lines faded. We had had a "chemical pregnancy" or very early miscarriage. We were bummed and saddened but pressed on, hoping that it was a good sign that we could make it happen.

In July 2012 we were elated to find out that I was pregnant once again. This time the test lines did not fade, but kept growing darker. My period did not show up and things seemed to be going well. Around 6 weeks, however, I started getting some spotting, which concerned us, but we were told that it can be normal early on, so we tried not to worry. I went to my first OB appointment at close to 8 weeks. I was spotting red this time so they did an ultrasound, which showed a beautiful little baby with a little heartbeat. That flicker was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen. The baby looked healthy, but was measuring behind at only 6 weeks 5 days and the sack was measuring small. They told us the spotting was the result of a bleeding cyst (the corpus luteum) and was not a concern.They scheduled me for a repeat ultrasound in a week and we left with a lot of hope after seeing that little heartbeat.

The next day, however, I began bleeding. We were terrified I was losing the baby. It was too late to see the OB that day, but they got us right in for an ultrasound the next morning. That drive to the OB office seemed to take forever and we had no idea what to expect. Much to our relief, the ultrasound revealed a baby that had grown a few days worth in two days and a heartbeat that was a little faster. The sack was still a concern, but the baby was alive. We were relieved.


That relief was short lived, though, and our nightmare began that Sunday (the last ultrasound had been on a Thursday) when my bleeding changed and got heavier/darker, and I began getting cramps in waves, much like every labor story I've ever read. The cramps were strong and painful, doubling me over at times, and continued for a few hours until I began passing tissue. We knew at that point that things were not good. The next morning they got us in for an ultrasound. It was torture sitting in the waiting room with all of the round pregnant bellies and happy, smiling babies when I knew deep down that I was losing mine.

The ultrasound confirmed our greatest fear: our baby was no longer living. It tore me up inside to see our baby on the ultrasound without that little flicker like we'd just seen a few days before. I sobbed uncontrollably on the ultrasound table while the sweet technician, full of compassion for us, tried desperately to find a heartbeat, but, of course, there was none. We were devastated. Our little precious baby passed away on August 27, 2012. A baby we'd never be able to hold. Whose face we'd never see, or laugh we'd never hear. But I will always keep his/her heartbeat in my greatest of memories. That baby's life mattered.

The eight months following our second loss were the darkest months of my life. I can remember that very few days went by without me crying. I remember many tears that were shed while sobbing uncontrollably on the bathroom floor while clutching our baby's ultrasound photo close to my heart. We had wanted that baby so badly, and the loss was devastating. I couldn't even look at babies or pregnant bellies for a long time. I had to hide every pregnant friend on social media, not because I didn't care and wasn't happy for them, but because it tore me apart inside to see it and was a constant reminder of what I no longer had but had lost. I could not see them without crying.

In March of 2013, almost 2 years after we first started trying for a baby, we began fertility testing at my OB office. I was diagnosed with PCOS and my husband's test revealed that his count was low. I had an HSG done (where they put dye in the uterus to verify that the tubes are open), which was "textbook" and everything looked beautiful. I was put on Metformin for the PCOS (which made me SO sick to my stomach for the first week or two, but was worth it if it brought us our rainbow). We were not happy to find that we had problems, but it felt good to have answers and a game plan. Hope was returning after so many dark months of feeling no hope.

Welcome to Living Every Chapter

Welcome to my blog!

I'm Heidi, a 31 year old stay-at-home-mom to our beautiful 3 year old daughter. I have been married to my husband for 6 years. We live in a rural home on 5.4 acres in NC. I love photography, art/crafts, horses, music, and many other things.

My interest in blogging came from wanting to write down ideas, crafts, stories, and such. It's so fun to look back on all of these things and they will be archived and accessible for future reference. I also enjoy sharing and writing down my ideas and little aspects of our life.

So, without further adieu, welcome to Living Every Chapter, a journal of my life as a stay-at-home wife and, crafty, frugal mommy of a preemie (a story for later).  I hope you enjoy reading my blog as I do creating it. Thanks for visiting!

Heidi